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02:15am 09/01/2008
  From the ashes,
as it is apt to do.
Fated rebirth, old to new.
Something long gone
here, if for this moment.
Greatness. A piece of mind.
The world as it is.
As it should. On my fingertips.
As it used to be.
And such feelings, new,
yet similar.
To guide me.
To change my mind,
my world.
As it should always have been.		  
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after quite some time!   
01:10am 09/01/2008
  It feels great
even to commit unfinished word
to now covered page.
Long lost thoughts, desires,
given meaning again.
Maybe if for only one second
it's back. No, I am back.
Paper. Pencil. Freedom.
As it always should have been.		  
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This One Last Time   
07:57pm 30/09/2006
  You pick me up, "this one last time,"
and as I stumble into your arms,
this world makes sense.
Silently, I thank you as i wake,
sneak ut the door, back into the chaos
this one last time.		  
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A Nightfall Not Answered, part one.   
05:10pm 22/07/2006
  When asked about it,
he replied simply this:
"Beauty is itself bourne
of the greatest tragedy."

That was the last time we spoke,
he left too soon after
and his departing lines faded
until today, until you

I saw something in your eyes tonight
and I flashed to that moment.
That look of tragedy, beautiful
I paid our tab, we left into the night.

Somehow I knew what he had said was true
Even time can't heal this death.		  
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Morning Dreams   
05:09pm 22/07/2006
  Coffee steams as it hits
the cool, damp morning air.
"Maybe today is the day,"
as you continue on
unknowing.
Speed picks up, the coffee
wakes your tired veins.
Today is not the day.
Life takes from life
as you get caught up,
and the memory of what is,
fades.		  
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wow.   
05:08pm 22/07/2006
  Of Long Roads...

If this long road ends
where I think it does,
I'll arrive there just before daylight,
the same as I left.
Waiting, the greatest storytellers
will usher me in,
awaiting the story of my trip
and the long roads they've never seen.		  
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01:40am 23/03/2005
  Of taken conceptual dreams
This woe begotten reality finds its
Citizens much farther from truth
Than we would have ourselves know
It takes a life of living to see what
We are capable of at an early age
By then far too long gone
It would always seem that what rules
In each society changes, yet
It always stays the same
Of green and gold we paint our way
And that is all this life provides us
The lust for what we'll never keep
The knowledge that success
Is in truth nothing of the sort
We fall, each of us, into patterns
Much unlike our dreams.		  
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03:43pm 11/03/2005
  This is the thing
This isn't freedom like I want
I cannot run with this scar on my chest
That burns down to my heart
I want to look into the sky
And be able to dive off that cliff
Without a mar on soul or mind
A mar of memories
Things failed, attempted
Wanted yet undone
These errors made were wasteful
But in meaning they were good
To seek the freedom that
I know exists in this world
For me, for you, for both of us
For all of us here
It was in pursuit of all that matters
For, when free, the rest follows
Nothing can do us wrong!
It will elude me until this ends
And I am free to exist as I wish, again
It's my love of my life against your needs
This is the thing		  
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And now!   
01:57am 10/03/2005
  A shock
From the handle to my hand
A tingling, something I once said
Only came from you
Now, so much has changed
And these new, frequent sparks
Serve as litte reminders
Of electricity before		  
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What the fuck was I on then?   
01:54am 10/03/2005
  3-08-05

This is taxing
Each day this isolation drags me
Farther into the pitfalls of my mind
Where fire rains and demons prod too freely
At the soft and caring soul all too often
Left unattended
It frightens me to say that one day
Has left me more to live with than lifetimes
Of my days before
Though love led me down this path
And honor keeps me here
I cannot help but wonder
If I can clear this from the slate of life
Maybe somehow fix what's right
Before these demons you will never know
Pull me much too deep inside this
Hellish hole I call my mind
I fight on,
This is taxing		  
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04:05am 08/03/2005
  I'll never know until I see
Until I stand where I've been before
And see what I've never seen
These flowers, not automatic, grow
Blooming before my eyes in the wildest
Sharpest colors ever seen, then
They wilt without a trace of beauty
Grace gone, lovingly drained
With the pigments so honored before
I hold them close, the flowers, though
They no longer hold their luster
Crumbling in my hand
A tear falls down my cheek
As I remember their shine, never
Seen before, or will perhaps again
Such things are meant to come and go
Reminders of what is and can be
But that can't stop me from
Remembering their luster, their grace
Your shine		  
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Two more!   
01:09pm 07/03/2005
  3-07-05

And all I can wish for
For each day I live
Is forgiveness
Situations outside of my control
Created problems with-in
That I could never fathom
Though now I know
Perhaps too late
I'm left alone with paper, pen
And all that I should have done
I've loved and lost, then loved
As I will again
But you my dear friend
Who I have failed in so many ways
Whom I will always love
I can apologize, show the truth
ANd wish forever for forgiveness
From you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3-03-05

I never learned to do anything
At less than all I can give
The smiles turned to bitter looks
Are more than proof of that
These things I do now
So crazy yet so honestly
Exactly what I need
I never could contain this
That flows in me so well
SO I write it all down
In hopes that someday I can
Show you what I see		  
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New Today!   
11:14pm 01/03/2005
  A charmer seems a dream
But a charmer he does scheme!
Weaving a web of intricate lies
That you will someday learn to despise!
And though the truth he has decieved
Many times he's not perceived!
As anything but lover's wild
Though he's acting as a simple child!
He may play your mind at ease
Like an infection, a disease!
Such foolishness he's always been
A charmer's lies will live again!		  
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Updates!   
09:11am 01/03/2005
  03-01-05

Try living with the knowledge
That each day I see you
You die just a little more
My own selfish, self-serving desires
Threaten to rip you at your core
And for all the love I have for you
For everything I feel
I cannot, I will not let you go
I try and fail, but for me
It's never as bad as for you
Though this pain rips me to shreds
For what I wish I could do for you
I know it's second to what you feel
As each day I kill you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
02-27-05

I am one man
Built not of strength in body
But of strength in mind and soul
Through foolish it may seem to be
In this modern day and age
I love strong, live stronger
As if in truth I had no choice
For what if, come tomorrow
I had lost my voice?
Thuogh human I am resigned to be
And mistakes come with that role
I do what I will to live my way
Follow my very soul
This life may not be easy
Troubles will always find me
But with my strength, my eyes
I will surpass, I will live in love
I will be strong
I am one man

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
02-26-05

I say chase this flame
Follow the fires that fill us all
Let them flow through you
So that you can feel alive

I saw magic not too long ago
Eyes of fire that would not quit
They led us down a darkened road
But no more do they lead
And I who never thinks to doubt
The moments, nor the flames
Fell enchanted by those wild desires
That burned us both the same
In truth, I never understand it
Afraid, I never let it show
If again I ever get this chance
I'd only let you know
Things I once saw beautiful
Still drive this fire on
Though you have changed, I
Still want the fire in your eyes

I say chase this flame
Follow the fires that fill us all
Let them flow through you
So that you can feel alive		  
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I Refuse   
02:58am 17/02/2005
  I refuse
To be anything but at peace
With this world around me now
I see it all, I know what's done
What I do and take and make
Creates things I never wanted
Things I never knew
Although I might not be happy
I may see the pain in my world
I may see the pain in others
I will be strong. I will not fall
I will show all who I really am
When someone falls I will catch them
As if that was always the case
I will live my life as if it matters
I will love all around me
I will be at peace
I am at peace
I refuse.		  
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06:00am 16/02/2005
  And I'm still going off the deep end
I cannot control what I never hoped to
But I'll grasp it strong and flail against the wind
I wanted something more than I could handle
As I took it, I knew I'd never hold.
But my heart it knows no shamble
So I run with it again.

Foolish for me to take this now
And still profess to you what I
Could always have said and never offered
What will and what I know is true
Some random things to say to you
I will not survive such as this unharmed
But I will survive.		  
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05:51am 16/02/2005
  And it may not be a fairy tale
That has brought us here today
It may not stop the world around
Or solve all our hidden pains
This might not be the things of gods above
Like the heavens so far away
It's not in books, so I know how it looks
But I still fight for my dreams
Knowing books are never quite what they seem
The heavens so fair, are misrepresented
Concoctions of miracles still here on Earth
The gods too, of them we are made
So though mighty they are, we can be
As this world turns, living each day
Working harder in every way
A fairy tale life we may never have
A piece of love we will find out there
No fairies, but such strength every day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this sleep
I'll find the things I've always wanted
And though these dreams ring true
I will still wake up alone
But for what it's worth
These things that bring out such confusion
Though they are my guides in life
What better than a dream to show us
Who we want to be?
So sleep.		  
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Gasoline   
01:21am 12/02/2005
  If for only reasons I in life
Couldn't do what it appears that now
I can. I will.
Know only that I loved a little harder.
Flew a little higher, ran a little faster
Though in truth
You can't kill a fire with gasoline
And as I would show to the world
You can't live for less than what is
No matter the pain, I live
No matter the battle, I fight
Even if it kills me here and now
I know no other way to live, than
For what and who I love.
I may not be of perfect grain
As human i am flawed as most
But a part of me is yours
For now, for always. Though time
Will take its separate way
Just a casualty of a heart on
a sleeve. A fire flamed with
Gasoline.		  
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03:40am 06/02/2005
  These late nights leave me reckless
Restless, confused, and lost
So much a bearer for my namesake
I hardly ever knew myself more
Taking from these moments given
I run for a bit, hoping this existance
Finds me in a better place.
Failure seems my only hope.
I live this life in brilliance,
But just a flicker from fading out
Holding what we always dreamed
In my palms, as water flows
These dreams are empty
These flowers painted on
With the cheapest decor allowed
I urge to you to take what's given
Allow yourself a moment for all
That could and never will.
It is all that we can give to life.
It is all I can take.
It is all I want.
In this moment, this place
To know what exists
To know all that ever will.
To run.		  
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12:31pm 05/02/2005
  In truth it seems my spirit wanes
A little more each day
And although I fight the good fight
I'll never get to stay.
I wanted, what appears too much
Had hoped for all these things
But with surgeon's steel you cut away
My self-sufficient dreams

I would survive well on my own
I've done it for years before
But remembering just what you missed
Leaves you wanting more
I'm sorry that it went this way
That I could not change this place
I just live this shallow life
Fighting through this race.		  
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  rhcc
 
 
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