Words of the Restless

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:15:50 GMT

From the ashes,
as it is apt to do.
Fated rebirth, old to new.
Something long gone
here, if for this moment.
Greatness. A piece of mind.
The world as it is.
As it should. On my fingertips.
As it used to be.
And such feelings, new,
yet similar.
To guide me.
To change my mind,
my world.
As it should always have been.

after quite some time!

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 07:12:38 GMT

It feels great
even to commit unfinished word
to now covered page.
Long lost thoughts, desires,
given meaning again.
Maybe if for only one second
it's back. No, I am back.
Paper. Pencil. Freedom.
As it always should have been.

This One Last Time

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:57:43 GMT

You pick me up, "this one last time,"
and as I stumble into your arms,
this world makes sense.
Silently, I thank you as i wake,
sneak ut the door, back into the chaos
this one last time.

A Nightfall Not Answered, part one.

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 22:12:13 GMT

When asked about it,
he replied simply this:
"Beauty is itself bourne
of the greatest tragedy."

That was the last time we spoke,
he left too soon after
and his departing lines faded
until today, until you

I saw something in your eyes tonight
and I flashed to that moment.
That look of tragedy, beautiful
I paid our tab, we left into the night.

Somehow I knew what he had said was true
Even time can't heal this death.

Morning Dreams

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 22:09:47 GMT

Coffee steams as it hits
the cool, damp morning air.
"Maybe today is the day,"
as you continue on
unknowing.
Speed picks up, the coffee
wakes your tired veins.
Today is not the day.
Life takes from life
as you get caught up,
and the memory of what is,
fades.

wow.

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 22:08:51 GMT

Of Long Roads...

If this long road ends
where I think it does,
I'll arrive there just before daylight,
the same as I left.
Waiting, the greatest storytellers
will usher me in,
awaiting the story of my trip
and the long roads they've never seen.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 07:40:19 GMT

Of taken conceptual dreams
This woe begotten reality finds its
Citizens much farther from truth
Than we would have ourselves know
It takes a life of living to see what
We are capable of at an early age
By then far too long gone
It would always seem that what rules
In each society changes, yet
It always stays the same
Of green and gold we paint our way
And that is all this life provides us
The lust for what we'll never keep
The knowledge that success
Is in truth nothing of the sort
We fall, each of us, into patterns
Much unlike our dreams.

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:40:04 GMT

This is the thing
This isn't freedom like I want
I cannot run with this scar on my chest
That burns down to my heart
I want to look into the sky
And be able to dive off that cliff
Without a mar on soul or mind
A mar of memories
Things failed, attempted
Wanted yet undone
These errors made were wasteful
But in meaning they were good
To seek the freedom that
I know exists in this world
For me, for you, for both of us
For all of us here
It was in pursuit of all that matters
For, when free, the rest follows
Nothing can do us wrong!
It will elude me until this ends
And I am free to exist as I wish, again
It's my love of my life against your needs
This is the thing

And now!

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 07:57:28 GMT

A shock
From the handle to my hand
A tingling, something I once said
Only came from you
Now, so much has changed
And these new, frequent sparks
Serve as litte reminders
Of electricity before

What the fuck was I on then?

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 07:56:23 GMT

3-08-05

This is taxing
Each day this isolation drags me
Farther into the pitfalls of my mind
Where fire rains and demons prod too freely
At the soft and caring soul all too often
Left unattended
It frightens me to say that one day
Has left me more to live with than lifetimes
Of my days before
Though love led me down this path
And honor keeps me here
I cannot help but wonder
If I can clear this from the slate of life
Maybe somehow fix what's right
Before these demons you will never know
Pull me much too deep inside this
Hellish hole I call my mind
I fight on,
This is taxing

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 10:08:27 GMT

I'll never know until I see
Until I stand where I've been before
And see what I've never seen
These flowers, not automatic, grow
Blooming before my eyes in the wildest
Sharpest colors ever seen, then
They wilt without a trace of beauty
Grace gone, lovingly drained
With the pigments so honored before
I hold them close, the flowers, though
They no longer hold their luster
Crumbling in my hand
A tear falls down my cheek
As I remember their shine, never
Seen before, or will perhaps again
Such things are meant to come and go
Reminders of what is and can be
But that can't stop me from
Remembering their luster, their grace
Your shine

Two more!

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 19:08:27 GMT

3-07-05

And all I can wish for
For each day I live
Is forgiveness
Situations outside of my control
Created problems with-in
That I could never fathom
Though now I know
Perhaps too late
I'm left alone with paper, pen
And all that I should have done
I've loved and lost, then loved
As I will again
But you my dear friend
Who I have failed in so many ways
Whom I will always love
I can apologize, show the truth
ANd wish forever for forgiveness
From you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3-03-05

I never learned to do anything
At less than all I can give
The smiles turned to bitter looks
Are more than proof of that
These things I do now
So crazy yet so honestly
Exactly what I need
I never could contain this
That flows in me so well
SO I write it all down
In hopes that someday I can
Show you what I see

New Today!

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 05:10:31 GMT

A charmer seems a dream
But a charmer he does scheme!
Weaving a web of intricate lies
That you will someday learn to despise!
And though the truth he has decieved
Many times he's not perceived!
As anything but lover's wild
Though he's acting as a simple child!
He may play your mind at ease
Like an infection, a disease!
Such foolishness he's always been
A charmer's lies will live again!

Updates!

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 15:19:51 GMT

03-01-05

Try living with the knowledge
That each day I see you
You die just a little more
My own selfish, self-serving desires
Threaten to rip you at your core
And for all the love I have for you
For everything I feel
I cannot, I will not let you go
I try and fail, but for me
It's never as bad as for you
Though this pain rips me to shreds
For what I wish I could do for you
I know it's second to what you feel
As each day I kill you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
02-27-05

I am one man
Built not of strength in body
But of strength in mind and soul
Through foolish it may seem to be
In this modern day and age
I love strong, live stronger
As if in truth I had no choice
For what if, come tomorrow
I had lost my voice?
Thuogh human I am resigned to be
And mistakes come with that role
I do what I will to live my way
Follow my very soul
This life may not be easy
Troubles will always find me
But with my strength, my eyes
I will surpass, I will live in love
I will be strong
I am one man

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
02-26-05

I say chase this flame
Follow the fires that fill us all
Let them flow through you
So that you can feel alive

I saw magic not too long ago
Eyes of fire that would not quit
They led us down a darkened road
But no more do they lead
And I who never thinks to doubt
The moments, nor the flames
Fell enchanted by those wild desires
That burned us both the same
In truth, I never understand it
Afraid, I never let it show
If again I ever get this chance
I'd only let you know
Things I once saw beautiful
Still drive this fire on
Though you have changed, I
Still want the fire in your eyes

I say chase this flame
Follow the fires that fill us all
Let them flow through you
So that you can feel alive

I Refuse

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 08:58:20 GMT

I refuse
To be anything but at peace
With this world around me now
I see it all, I know what's done
What I do and take and make
Creates things I never wanted
Things I never knew
Although I might not be happy
I may see the pain in my world
I may see the pain in others
I will be strong. I will not fall
I will show all who I really am
When someone falls I will catch them
As if that was always the case
I will live my life as if it matters
I will love all around me
I will be at peace
I am at peace
I refuse.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 12:05:24 GMT

And I'm still going off the deep end
I cannot control what I never hoped to
But I'll grasp it strong and flail against the wind
I wanted something more than I could handle
As I took it, I knew I'd never hold.
But my heart it knows no shamble
So I run with it again.

Foolish for me to take this now
And still profess to you what I
Could always have said and never offered
What will and what I know is true
Some random things to say to you
I will not survive such as this unharmed
But I will survive.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 12:04:06 GMT

And it may not be a fairy tale
That has brought us here today
It may not stop the world around
Or solve all our hidden pains
This might not be the things of gods above
Like the heavens so far away
It's not in books, so I know how it looks
But I still fight for my dreams
Knowing books are never quite what they seem
The heavens so fair, are misrepresented
Concoctions of miracles still here on Earth
The gods too, of them we are made
So though mighty they are, we can be
As this world turns, living each day
Working harder in every way
A fairy tale life we may never have
A piece of love we will find out there
No fairies, but such strength every day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this sleep
I'll find the things I've always wanted
And though these dreams ring true
I will still wake up alone
But for what it's worth
These things that bring out such confusion
Though they are my guides in life
What better than a dream to show us
Who we want to be?
So sleep.

Gasoline

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 07:25:36 GMT

If for only reasons I in life
Couldn't do what it appears that now
I can. I will.
Know only that I loved a little harder.
Flew a little higher, ran a little faster
Though in truth
You can't kill a fire with gasoline
And as I would show to the world
You can't live for less than what is
No matter the pain, I live
No matter the battle, I fight
Even if it kills me here and now
I know no other way to live, than
For what and who I love.
I may not be of perfect grain
As human i am flawed as most
But a part of me is yours
For now, for always. Though time
Will take its separate way
Just a casualty of a heart on
a sleeve. A fire flamed with
Gasoline.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 09:34:05 GMT

These late nights leave me reckless
Restless, confused, and lost
So much a bearer for my namesake
I hardly ever knew myself more
Taking from these moments given
I run for a bit, hoping this existance
Finds me in a better place.
Failure seems my only hope.
I live this life in brilliance,
But just a flicker from fading out
Holding what we always dreamed
In my palms, as water flows
These dreams are empty
These flowers painted on
With the cheapest decor allowed
I urge to you to take what's given
Allow yourself a moment for all
That could and never will.
It is all that we can give to life.
It is all I can take.
It is all I want.
In this moment, this place
To know what exists
To know all that ever will.
To run.

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 18:25:54 GMT

In truth it seems my spirit wanes
A little more each day
And although I fight the good fight
I'll never get to stay.
I wanted, what appears too much
Had hoped for all these things
But with surgeon's steel you cut away
My self-sufficient dreams

I would survive well on my own
I've done it for years before
But remembering just what you missed
Leaves you wanting more
I'm sorry that it went this way
That I could not change this place
I just live this shallow life
Fighting through this race.

From 02-01-05

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 19:14:14 GMT

Into dreams you take these
Shallow records of your day
And although there peace may find you
The pieces do remain
Holding close to hell
Taking close to all of each
Moment you are given

From each moment there are
Choices that you have to make
And the truth of it is that they themselves
Both will give and take
For you are given everything
To lose it all, or gain it back
To live and learn, and love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hauntings
Create memories of days
And things you never wanted
Things so close to you
And I know you never wanted
These so close to you
I cannot promise more than
What I've done so far
Though the explosion that is coming
May leave quite a scar
What has been given, what is known
Is a love of strength unseen, unmatched
And though you may not want it
I'm sorry it's attached
Allowing it from me to you
Was all I ever did
Giving it so willingly
Is all I ever did

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a hand
If for a night
It'll be alright
Let it go
Take of me
Temporarily
I know you
You can't stay
I wouldn't seem
To have it happen
Any other way
I give, and give
Willingly, to you
Take what you
Might need to live
Take a hand,
Hold it tight.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 03:18:59 GMT

In time I'll really know what's true
If I was right, or if you
Knew this place just a little better?
I want so much for me. For you.
Trust this is the only way
If I go or if you stay
It will be grand, if I believe
If I am not decieved
I may be blind, naive or dumb
But to me it's true that you're the one
Who knows what it's like to be this way
You know exactly what not to say
Still it brings me here
And now I am face to face
With fears I long had thought erased
I will go on. With or without
Free or not, lost or shot
There is a reason for it all
Just remember that I'll fall.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 02:58:10 GMT

And showing all that bids me well
That keeps me here inside this place
Inside these walls without a trace
Of dreams and wants and wills
And things that love erased.

I hold on knowing where I am
Gripping tight to this worlds' glam
I'm sure enough that this is gold
Holding onto things of old
Things I always thought were true

I am always flying, soaring, gliding
These currents taking me where
No one's ever been before
They leave me wanting more
With no doubt I'll find it.

So dreaming things I've always been
Knowing exactly where and when
Loving every second of this splendor.
I will hold on to these screams
So they will find my dreams

Tread lightly foolish people may
But believe this final word I say
Think I not of this world's sin
And again I be of our own kin
Reborn, again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normalized in this grand place
Is like shitting in my hand.
Too much here to live this way
Too much left to have to play
And if I throw my cards in style
I will leave here knowing all the while
I was happy, it was grand
And still I wish I had your hand
Let it come, let it wash me down
I might die, but I will not drown
This will not make me scream your name
I'll stand up strong and live in fame!
Knowing I was always true
And all of this, though not for you
Was splendid.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 06:28:29 GMT

You are out there
The night beckons
And I run
Though unlikely
There's nothing better
For me in this town
I run to meet with
A destiny, or fate.
I fall into my place
Wings spread, eyes open
I rise from my veins
I run.

Ramblings

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 01:44:30 GMT

I put on my best dressed,
And look into the sky.
With one firery glance
I am off.

Wings spread, igniting wind
Catching me in my descent
Carrying me to places no one
Need ever be.

This run of mine isn't the end
The beginning, or middle
It is what it is, what I make
My life.

It is the sole difference
Between being and living
Taking what comes, and turning
Into what is

You may not be here
No one may save me
But whenever this comes
It's time.

Who knows what's now
Or what could've been?
But to acknowledge what now.
I am off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If ever I get the chance
To show you what I mean
I will.
I will show you what the heaven's
Try to tell me and me alone.
What this world is meant to be
The moving climates of wonder
The desperation of change
And you may not believe
Or even want
But show you I will, so I
Can finally say I've shown someone
What only I can see
And although it seems
Unlikely as it is.
If I can show you this wonder
I will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In reflection
Over misdeeds done so
That they cannot be helped
As the time is now
I find myself immersed
In memories of doubt
And the fear I detest
To know that I had and lost
What so many die to find
I would be apt to fall before it
But on this day. No.
I will not fall today
As a phoenix I rise
To right what I wronged
Or die indeed in trying
I will not fall. I know failure not.
I will rise. You will see.